& yet I still wonder
I wonder why
why I wonder when
& yes I still worry
I worry that
I will see again
& let me write you a song
a song about something
something you already care about
& let me hear
your joys & your fears
& your wonderful wonderful destiny years
today I met someone I had met once before
& through meetings I'd found & forgot
& forget that I'd felt it before
for feeling & stealing this thing that I was
& I bring & I find it again
oh & victims of self-confidence of champions of kings
of ones who believe they are right
right to decide & the right to remain
& the fright of the might of the strength of the sight
or the sight that will feed us our fill
walking past the place at last
the place where I will end
& fast to start & slowly art
will bring me back again
don't have to be reminded of the ones I've stepped upon
or touched upon
or helped along
a stolen bomb
a treasured palm
& fingers & feel it again
I found it & made it & saw it & lost it
in one of a billion minds
oh my eyes & I wait & the lies that I hate
& the music & light that aren't mine
so I'm cruel & I'm cold & it's new & I'm old
& I knew it was too much for me
so escalate / don't escalate / don't expect me to be there for you
don't aggravate / please detonate / don't fill my heart with untrue
collector expecting rejector dejecting its dreams & its innermost fire
it's beautiful how dusty fields & rusty wheels & moonlit reels
& plans & plans & plans & I come face to face at last
a final final final thing
a killer on an angel's wing
a pillar versus fraying string
a thread to keep me here to sing
of that holy champion'd king
don't think of this as terror's end
a mountain-rend
a scam to send
a shiver down your soul
it's not that I'm second-best
but that you are second-worst
if we both must crash then let me say
I'd like to be the first
the legacy will live too long
of longing sighs & jealous songs
the dissonance of residents
I built it once & made you gone
&,&,&,& turning off my fucking brain
what hearts what hands what starts to land
the second that it sees a glimpse of rain
once I heard it cannot word it
but no doubt I have inferred it
now I beg you to convert it
to a tear you can ignore
thoughts of a god in a box / of music I'm leaving behind
seeing trains that are not there are real
a steal at life worth find
but I digress & I love too much
too much distress to be found as such
in church a boy throws down his crutch
& needs it the next day
the powers of a thought & deed
the books I made my demons read
of the need to be a weed or seed
or bleed another way
& I scream & I drone & I drone & I scream
& I scream at the throne & I'm thrown in the dream
& you seem as alone as the moan in the room
where memories are picking up steam
& a song about nothing you already care about
is something nobody will hear
& a song about someone you already care about
is the only fate of a forgotten year
you came here for a note I'd guess
a clue to ponder while I rest
a hint to how I saw the test
at best I tried to seem in jest
I'm reminded of a certain lie
at a certain place I'm certain why
I think I held it in my hands
& let it drift away
the details of the last diversions & how I spent today
matter little to the ones I leave
the ones who grieve
the ones who're clinging to my sleeve
I stayed here for you for this long
& called it love when I was wrong
& this is goodbye I suppose in a way
stopped wondering why I wonder when
the world closes its eyes & I hear it say
I've no time left to see you again